A Note to Self

As we grow older, we tend to face many obstacles. Too many that I am surprised we still remember to catch our breath. Every now and then, a breathtaking catastrophe will come knocking at our door, without being invited, they will come in and take place, and you will get the chance to go through a journey that is different from someone else’s, and gain experiences throughout the journey. But in the end, we will realize that we all are going through the same thing, just in a different way.

As we grow older, we tend to meet all sorts of people. The nice ones, the two-faced ones, the naïve ones, the bad ones, all sorts. This is the phase when many of us would, instead of becoming analytical, they would become judgemental. Harsh words are used in describing others, rude gestures are applied every now and then, we become reluctant towards others and we don’t even know why. Easily, we say mean things about others, but little did we know that we are actually hurting them and we are torturing them mentally, little did we know that we are the main reason on why some of them committed suicide.

Because they could not stand us.

As we grow older, we tend to see only what we want to see, and hear what we only want to hear. It is a mind set. If we hate someone, every single thing that he does is wrong, even when it is not. But when we love someone, everything that he does is good, and we would treat him like he is a saint.

As we grow older, we tend to perceive things the way we want it to be. We become selfish, only thinking about how we feel instead of others. We tend to make, or should I say, force, others to understand us, but we did not stop; stop to take some time to understand them. We become furious when things do not go the way we want it to be, we become mad when others follow their heart instead of listening to ours.

As we grow older, love will come knocking in, and it is a phase that we all are longing for. It is a phase that we all are afraid of, and yet we want to be involved, physically and emotionally. We want to be touched, to know that he cares, we want to be hold, to know that he’s there, we want to be loved, as if we have never been hurt. We devote ourselves to our significant other, knowing that he will always be there. But a catastrophe comes again, and in just seconds, we crash and we can’t seem to find a way to pull ourselves together, and stand up again.

We take things for granted. The only time that we will start appreciating things is when we have lost them. But it would be too late by then. Our emotions are strained as our heart has been flushed out the drain. We wish we can go through the same thing again, and redo everything so we can take away the pain.

We wish we have treasured everyone earlier.


-Zulaikha Zulkifli-